Kids and Devices: Current Recommendations
Figuring out what to do about kids and devices can be so difficult! We all know that being free-range with technology is probably not great for them, but knowing what kinds of limits and how to enforce them can be so hard, especially when its so appealing to kids! Summer is a great time to start adjusting expectations around devices so that when the school year starts they’ll already be used to the rules and can have a successful school year. That’s why today I’m talking about the most current expert advice on kids and screen use and providing a sample family device agreement to help you wrap your head around what might be best for your family.
If you’re reading this, it’s fair to assume that you already have concerns about the impact of screens on your kid’s developing brain, or additional concerns about things like safety or maybe even video game or internet addiction. So I’m not going to spend this time talking about why devices are concerning for kids, but if you’d like to learn more about that I recommend reading The Anxious Generation or if podcasts are more your style this one has a great interview with the author.
The bottom line is that we all need to learn to live with technology and it can bring many great learning opportunities that are fun for kids, AND it comes with a lot of pitfalls and risks. On top of that it feels like the advice around kids and devices is often changing and conflicting so its hard for parents to know what to do. Here’s a good rule of thumb based on ages:
Birth-two years: No screens. This is a time of tremendous brain growth, and one of the main tasks of this developmental period is to get familiar with faces and facial expressions. Research shows that screen time gets in the way of this critical developmental task. Its also important for you to not be on screens much during their waking hours so they can have those developmentally critical interactions with you. Luckily there’s plenty of napping during the first two years that you can use for your own device time.
Two years+: No more than two hours of screen time a day. Yep, you read that right, this recommendation goes through the teen years and into adulthood. As kids get older this might not be very feasible due to needing to use devices to complete homework or engage in social activities. It’s impossible for adults who uses a computer a lot for work. That being said, we want to make sure there’s plenty of time for physical exercise, face to face interactions and using creativity outside of devices. We especially want to make sure that preadolescent children have time for free/unstructured play because that is a developmental necessity.
Teens: The newest recommendations are no smart phones until age 14, no social media until age 16, and no devices in schools. Some experts are especially concerned about the impacts of Instagram and TikTok on teens who identify as female and some recommend waiting until adulthood before getting on the those platforms.
When thinking through how you want your child and family to interact with technology it can be helpful to have a family agreement around expectations and safety precautions. Just like you would have you child wear a helmet and learn some safety rules before getting one their bike. I recommend using this as an opportunity to generate ideas on what’s important for your family and get your child’s input as much as possible. When you involve your kids in these decisions they are much more willing to negotiate and often do end up asking for things that are completely reasonable. When creating our own family agreement I was surprised that my child asked for significantly less screen time per day then I would have allowed.
Below is a sample agreement I’ve developed to get you started. Keep in mind that this is just a template with lots of restrictions included just to help you think through all the possibilities. You’ll need to adjust based on your kids age, type of device and individual needs. For many parents putting this into place can be easier said than done. Its really normal for parents who are trauma survivors, grew up in difficult circumstances, or are dealing with a lot of stress to struggle with holding these kinds of boundaries. If you’re sensing that you might need extra support to implement an agreement feel free to reach out here to chat more.
Family Device Agreement:
Congrats on getting a new device! This device like all others will have certain rules and expectation about it to keep you safe and your growing brain healthy. Here’s an agreement to help us remember those rules.
The agreements below are true of most devices most of the time, but some might be true of only some of your devices. You’ll see in the details if there is a device that has different rules.
If one of these agreements is broken it will result in having your device taken for a period of time to be determined based on which agreement/agreements are broken. You will have the option of earning the device back.
Care of your device: It is your responsibility to care for your device. If your device becomes lost or damaged it will be your responsibility to pay for repairs or replacement. This is true even if the damage was an accident or caused by a friend.
Location of devices: Devices are not allowed in the bedroom, bathroom or at school. All devices must be kept in *location* when not in use. All devices must be put away at dinner time or during other special family times.
Parent access: To protect your safety we will look through your devices on a regular basis. Your parents need to know the code to all of your devices as well as the user name and password of any on-line accounts you have. Keep in mind that we will be seeing all texts, photos, web searches and app use. You are not allowed to delete any of these in order to avoid us seeing them- we are tech savvy enough to know if this has happened. When we call or text you we expect a response as soon as you get the text or message.
Screen Time Limits: You are expected to ask before using a device. If you are asked to do something first, complete it all the way before getting on a device. Some days you will not have time to use up all of your allowed screen time. You might be asked to finish using the device before your time is up. You are expected to finish when asked.
Pictures/Videos: Only take and share pictures/videos of others with their permission. Do not take, share or allow others to take pictures/videos of you that you wouldn’t be comfortable with your family or a stranger seeing.
Contacts: You are allowed to text/call any contact that has been approved by your parents. If a contact you are not familiar with is added to a group chat ask the group who they are. If that person is not an approved contact ask your parents about them. Let calls from phone numbers that are not in your contacts go to voicemail.
Texting: Do not text anything that you would not be comfortable with strangers or your family seeing. Remember anything you post, including your texts can be screen shot and shown to anyone, and you don’t know who might have access to your friend’s devices. If you receive any messages that include cyber-bullying or inappropriate content tell your parents immediately even if the messages were not meant for you.
Apps: All apps must be approved. No social media apps will be approved. The purpose of your phone is to communicate, not use apps. Expect approval of apps on your phone to be limited.
Internet use: Internet use is allowed on the laptop or tablet. Get permission and let us know what you plan to do on the internet, keep internet use in a public location and finish your time on the device when you are asked. If you end up on a website with material that you have questions about, makes you feel uncomfortable, has violent or sexual material let us know right away. You won’t be in trouble, we know there’s a lot of things on the internet and mistakes happen. Ask permission before creating an on-line account of any kind.
Timing: Devices are only allowed in the car for longer trips, and only after checking in about it. Devices are not allowed before bedtime or before school.
Some of these agreements might be able to change as you get older and show responsibility with your technology use. Some of these agreements will never change. We are always open to having conversations around these device agreements, but will have the final say in order to keep everyone safe and healthy around screens.
Signatures: